This will not be an elaborate or detail specific post, but I do not think that negates its importance. Today, as we discussed John W. Jordan's "Reshaping the 'Pillow Angel'" text, I admit that my own feelings may have gotten in the way a bit. In that sense, I am glad to have been able to listen to my peers and my instructor as they too elaborated on the essay and its contents, but in the end, the essay has left me with some residual thoughts that I felt the need to share.
I am not Ashley or her parents. I do not know their exact pain and neither do I know Ashley's, and while I admit that I am critical of their decision, I must confess that I am doing so strictly from my own initial experiences as a father of a disabled child. I think that perhaps most frustrating is that I made an evaluation on them as if I knew them because I know my child. While trying to protect my own child, I made it about me, not her, not Ashley, and not her parents. Maybe that is just a normal reaction, though?
As I see it, "normal" is both absolutely ridiculous and entirely inevitable. What I mean by that is on a planet of billions, any attempt at calling something "normal" seems preposterous. That said, thinking of something as "normal" is also inevitable as we understand the world by the context provided to us through our birth. Where I am from, how old I am, what I look like, how I identify, what I believe, and so much more shape our initial definition of "normal," or our experienced reality. Secondly though, that initial definition is only full realized upon its juxtaposition against another person who went through the same process, similar or not. We may not even be aware of "normal" until we are away from it or see a different version of it, and when we do, we try to mold it to our own experiences as if it were some malleable, palpable thing. I think this is where I failed a little bit in my analysis of Jordan's text, though I am not ready to fall back on my opinions.
In other words, I want to try to be a little more careful upon my next text that I find emotionally charging, especially if it has immediate personal relevance, much as Jordan's text did. I felt, and still feel, like a thief. I feel like I stole their story and made it my own, and while that might not be a bad thing to some degree, I also left behind a perspective that is not my own, and I did so rather wildly.
I suppose what I am trying to say then is that emotion is a real challenge for me, as I would imagine it is for many of my peers. It is the entity that allowed me to feel, connect, challenge, and even become analytical as I engaged with the text, yet it was also the vehicle that caused me to stop listening and begin molding based on what I felt was "normal."
In the end, I remain critical of the entire situation, but I do believe I gained a new level of appreciation on perspectives. I think my awareness of this will be a good thing moving forward, and I very much look forward to sharing our unique perspectives on other issues.
I think it's okay to read through a piece and feel emotionally about it, especially from your own experiences. It's important to validate those. It's also important, like you've expressed here, to remain reflective. It was nice to see someone else express their struggle with emotions while reading. This makes me think about Condit's article on Polysemy, particularly polyvalence. In discussing it as a class, it was interesting to see what everyone took away from Jordan's article.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Keith. I guess I'm just walking that line of emotional bias and fair reflection. We've talked about it enough to understand that it is essentially impossible to eliminate all bias, and that might not even be healthy in a lot of scenarios, but I'm trying to come at this from a different perspective. I understand my own reaction, and I just worry that due to its strength, I am not being as "open" as I could or should be.
DeleteTroy,
ReplyDeleteEmotion is a powerful thing, especially now when the world has truly been thrown into chaos. I personally believe that our unique life experiences are valuable and contribute to the "realness" of our discussions, allowing us to gain more insight. To feel nothing when reading a piece like the "Pillow Angel" would be almost impossible.
I also found it interested that you talked about feeling like you "knew" the people in the article. I think this goes deeper into how our society feels like they "know" individuals that have shared their private lives with us. I'm more thinking along the lines of reality TV like Real Housewives and Keeping Up with the Kardashians as opposed to educational texts, but I think the same thing could apply.
Thanks for the reply, Natalie.
ReplyDeleteAnd you're right. I do think it is a good thing, but as I seem to elude to often, I still find emotion a little dangerous! Still though, a lack of emotion seems devastating, maybe even more so?
To your point about the Kardashians, that is actually really interesting. I would bet a lot of us have, at least at some point, felt like we knew somebody, no matter how ridiculous or fictional they may be. I think you make a good point with that.